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Friday, June 3rd

I only saw my dad asleep today.  When I got to the hospital at 3, my Uncle Bud and Aunt Lee were there with Ann, and my dad had been sleeping since before lunch.  He apparently had a bad night and didn’t sleep well, and he was feeling agitated this morning.  He is also very itchy.  Between everything that was going on, he got Benedryl today, morphine, and Ativan.  They expected him to sleep most of the day. 

Jim and Brighid stopped this morning and he asked them if they remembered not to bring him breakfast.  They didn’t bring breakfast, but they did bring him doughnuts and coffee.  He ate half a doughnut, and the nurses got the rest.  He asked Jim if anyone was telling him how much longer he had – which they are not, of course.  It has to be beyond sad to be told you are going to die, have all of your affairs in order, and then keep waking up.  He also told Brighid today that she is his favorite grandchild.  That made my heart warm and sad all at the same time.  She is the oldest of his grandchildren, but he hasn’t had time to get to know Eilis or Gracie.  It is so nice that he told her she is his favorite – which I knew.  It’s something that she will always have to remember him by.  But again, he hasn’t had enough time with my other girls.  I hope he would love them just as much.

I stayed only about 3 hours today.  My Uncle Bobby and two of his kids were there when I left, and Ann had gotten a visit from three of her co-workers, so I felt okay that she wasn’t completely alone.  She is so sick with a cold, and she is sitting in the cold room (my dad keeps getting hot from fever, so they keep his room cold), I just feel awful for her.  But, I imagine at some point, she is going to want to be by herself with my dad.  I hope she tells me when that time comes.  She should be able to spend some time alone with him.

My Aunt Mary – who was always the late one in the family – and I were joking the other day about how my dad was always early for everything.  She said if she told him to be at her house for something at 2, he’d be there at 12, complain that she wasn’t ready, and then make her stop getting ready to fix him lunch.  Dying is something you shouldn’t be early for.  I wish my father had known that.