Bah Humbug

I generally love Christmas, so if this starts off sounding like it’s going to be grumpy and miserable, it’s not that the whole holiday sucks – just some of the aspects of it.  To begin with, I had my party 2 weeks earlier this year, thinking that I would have   more time to get the rest of the stuff I need to get done finished without the stress of the party looming over me.  I’m still up to my eyeballs in wrapping left to do 🙁   And I am hoping that all of my gifts are up in the cabinets above my bed, because if they are not, I’m in big trouble.  I did find my in-laws presents, and wrapped them late last night, packed the box up and got it ready to go, then realized I had one more small box for my mother-in-law that I hadn’t put into the box.  I just found that and had to rip open the box and add it, so it didn’t get mailed today, as it was supposed to.

I “adopted” a family of 5 little girls.  I will be mailing their stuff out tomorrow as well.  I’m sure if I upgrade to Priority mail, everything should get there, but a more organized person would have had this stuff wrapped and shipped at least a week ago.

By this time last year, I had already sent my donation to Monsignor Doyle at Sacred Heart in Camden for his food baskets.  It was my Christmas present to my dad, since it was his first Christmas gone.  I made a committment to myself to do it every year, because my father did it every year.  I haven’t done it yet.

With this being the second Christmas without my dad, and the 4th without Bean, you would think that it would be easier to get through the holiday this year.  It isn’t.  And I’m not sure who I miss more.  I really thought that the first year would be the toughest, but as my kids get older and I start to feel badly that they don’t have Bean and my dad here to share the holidays with them, it gets harder. 

I feel like getting my shopping done early also has an affect on the Christmas spirit.  It may not be “fun” to go out with the throngs of people in the crowded mall, but you really get more of a sense of the spirit of the season when you see the kids lined up for Santa, see all the Christmas decorations, listen to the Christmas music…  Now I sort of feel like I missed out on some of the holiday fun.

I know this is a moaning and groaning message about my lack of joy for the season.  It’s not the same to be a grown up at Christmas time – especially when you’re the grown up responsible for making it Christmas for everyone else.  Ah well – maybe a stop in at Starbucks for a fat free, decaf, sugar free vanilla latte will perk up the Holiday spirit.