I’m having a crappy day today. I have a terrible headcold, which woke me up this morning with a pounding headache, a stuffed nose, and a sore throat. I had gone to bed early last night – about 9:15 – after taking some Nyquil, hoping I woule wake up cured. I didn’t.
Then Jim called this morning. He wants to know why I’m not very talkative, not gushing over how much I miss him or love him, why I don’t have anything to say. So I start to tell him. He hung up on me.
It seems I am not allowed to have crappy days. I am not allowed to ever be too tired – especially not this morning, with 8+ hours of sleep under my belt. I am not allowed to complain that I have to get Brighid at school at 4:30 today, Eilis at cheerleading practice at 4, dinner on the table, kids showered and in bed, then tomorrow I have to get Brighid at 4:30, Eilis to dance class at 5, myself to a camera class at 7, kids bathed, homework done, and the whole list of other stuff I do during the day. On Friday, after school, Eilis has soccer practice, I have to pick Jim up at the airport, then I have to get Brighid at Jen’s house later that evening. Oh yeah, and still dinner, homework, and whatever else. I’m also doing my best to keep the house immaculate – no dirty dishes in the sink, no laundry undone, no toys left out, no floor unswept.
Jim’s solution for my being overwhelmed? Go get a job. Put Granuaile in daycare and hire a housekeeper. That way, instead of cleaning 7 days a week, I’ll only have to clean 6 days a week, because a housekeeper will be here on day 7. And instead of having to take care of Gracie all day, I only have to worry about picking her up and dropping her off at daycare, in between all the other drop offs and pick ups I have to do and in addition to the job I’m supposed to go to. And let’s not forget all the running around AFTER my job I still have to do – not to mention finding the job that lets me leave early enough on Friday to take Eilis to soccer practice and on Thursday to take Eilis to dance class.
When you add to the stress of my normal life the fact that it does not look like we’re going to be able to sell our house, I don’t understand why my husband can’t be more sympathetic. Instead, he tells me he doesn’t want to hear how tired I am. Or how crappy I feel. He has the nerve to say that he doesn’t want to know that I’m tired while he’s out there, alone, working a regular 8-4 job for the most part, with every evening free to do what he wants to do. And does he come home and help on the weekends? No he does not. He comes home complaining that he had no internet access at the hotel, so he’ll have to spend his weekend doing paper work and taking on-line courses required by his job. Do I sleep in on Fridays while he gets up, packs the lunches, makes the breakfasts, and takes the kids to school? Nope. I still do it while he catches up on his sleep. Do I get Saturday mornings off to sleep in? Nope again.
I get that I’m a stay at home mom, and some of this is really my job. But being a stay at home mom without a dad here is really hard. I truly get no sick days – and I feel like I could really use one today. But the bathrooms still have to be wiped down, the baby still has to be played with, the meals still have to be made, and the kids still have to be picked up and dropped off.
I guess I’ll have to have a crappy day some other time. I have to have the same old same old kinda day again today.