Day: October 14, 2010

South Park did a spoof episode on New Jersey. Being from New Jersey, here is the guide to all of those phrases used in the show, what they mean, when to use them, and when to smack your kids for using them, even though they heard it from you 2 minutes earlier.

And I’ll let you in on a little secret – Jersey has a huge identity crises.  We’re not sure if we’re East Philadelphia or Southern New York.  I’m from “East Philadelphia” – or South Jersey – so most of my slang comes from Philly.  Therefore, I eat hoagies and say wooder (water).  If you’re from Southern New York – or North Jersey – you probably eat subs and say woodah.

How many of my friends look like Snooki?  Yeah, I have a couple.  Do I know as many Jersey people who look like stereotypical Jersey people as you see on TV?  No.  Although I have spray tanned.  Once.

How many of my friends could be on Real Housewives of New Jersey?  Yeah, None.  Most of us are REAL housewives, meaning we’re lucky to find two clean articles of clothing in the house that belong to us, and those two pieces are probably stretch pants and a sweat shirt.  We do not hand over $100,000 cash for furniture, and I can honestly say that I have never flipped a table.  Wanted to.  Didn’t.

Muff Cabbage – never used it, never would use it, and yell at your kids right away if they do use it.  You can probably figure out that this is slang for a very private part of the female anatomy.

Cabbage – Money, or this cool fall plant we put in our yards in New Jersey in the fall and winter

It’s a Jersey thing – No, it’s not.  If you hear someone from Jersey saying it’s a Jersey thing, they’re trying to account for rude or obnoxious behavior.  We do have some of those types of people here.  We don’t like them any more than you do.

Downashore – Down the Shore – it’s where we flock on summer weekends – not to the beach, not to the boardwalk, we go Down the Shore.

Hoagies – sandwiches stuffed full of lunch meat (deli meat for those of you not from Jersey) and cheese, lettuce and tomato, and all sorts of other stuff.  If you are REALLY from Jersey, you know there’s only one good place to get a hoagie – the place you go (we go to Carmen’s in Bellmawr – and so does Big Daddy from the Food Network)

Gravy – the red, delicious, tomatoey goodness that you put on top of macaroni (pasta) for Sunday dinner

Blow Out – No, not something that happens to your car on the Parkway, headed to AC (Atlantic City).  Blow out is what you do to your hair (or your hair dresser does to your hair) before a big night out.

Smush – Smack your kid in da back a da head – this is Jersey Shore guido for having sex.  I don’t know anyone that smushes – they all pretty much do it using the old fashioned phrases – all of which you should smack your kid for saying.

There are a ton of other Jersey slang phrases.  You might have to come see us to learn some more.  Chances are, though, if you’ve heard it on the Jersey shore, you probably won’t hear it from normal Jersey boys and girls.  After all, they cast of the Jersey shore aren’t really from Jersey.