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Sister Wives – Bleccchhh – That’s Disgusting

Have you seen this TLC show?  It’s about a polygamist family, headed by a lower than low, scum of the earth, male form of some sort of non-human cretin who managed to find not one; not two; not three; but FOUR women dumb enough to fall for his pseudo-religious entitlement to multiple wives.

Get the hell out! Can you believe it?  Of course, we’ve all heard of polygamists – some of us have seen Big Love on HBO.  We’ve watched the news as a group of Amish looking women in conservative clothes and hair in buns were paraded across their property, ushered into police cars and vans, and taken away as their very own piece of pond scum was charged with having sex with minors.  But THOSE sort of polygamists had the decency to hide their polygamy out of the public eye.  Until they were caught.

These polygamists want you to see what they’re all about and make sure you think they’re nice, normal people who could live next door to YOU.

So, here’s my understanding of polygamy.  Correct me if I’m wrong.

Some guy decides he’s tired of hearing about his wife having a headache; being tired from working all day and taking care of the house and kids; tired from hitting the grocery store and the dry cleaners; and she is way too tired to have sex with him for the third time this week.  It’s only Tuesday, for cripes sake, and the woman is worn out.

But he’s a “decent” guy, and he doesn’t want to dump her poor, pitiful arse like yesterday’s garbage just because her libido can’t keep up with his.  Besides, divorce is expensive, and she probably makes more than he does, and he’d hate to have to pay her child support and mess with the comfortable lifestyle he has grown accustom to.

So one night, they’re laying in bed, and they’re cuddling.  Charismatic Kody says, “You know, you work awfully hard around here, and it’s not fair for the burden of the whole house to fall on you.  It’s just too much for you to keep up with all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking care of my kids’ needs, and my sexual needs.  I think we should talk about getting you some help.”  And the poor dopey wife #1 thinks, “OMG, this guy DOES have a clue!”  And they get all romantic and intimate, while she shows her undying gratitude for him even suggesting what she thinks he’s suggesting – which is a housekeeper from Merry Maids.

Next thing you know, there’s wife #2.  Now wife #1 is pissed, but what the hell?  She said she thought it was a great idea to get some help with all the household chores.  And you know what?  Yeah, this is how this scumbag is getting around cheating on her, but he’s now only bugging her three times a week for sex; she has a built in baby sitter if she wants to go out those three nights; and she only has to cook dinner three nights a week now as well.  Maybe she can make it work?

But once there’s a #2 wife, and said scumbag has gotten away with it, there is no end in site.  I mean, how could wife #2 bitch about him seeing another woman when he courts wife #3?  He cheated on wife #1 with her, so it has to be okay for him to do now.

And the vicious cycle continues.

Ladies, please.  Find your backbones.  You deserve better than this dog turd.  You deserve a husband who loves you and thinks you’re special enough to be his one and only, and who knows that just because you’re too tired one night to respond to his whims, it doesn’t give him permission to pick up someone who can respond when you’re not available.

And look at him.  There are sacks of onions with more appeal than Kody Brown.

Now if someone wants to come be a sister wife at my house, I’m all for it, but there are ground rules.

1 – I like dinner served at 6 PM

2 – I like the carpet vacuumed so the lines in the rug all go the same way

3 – The kids’ schedule of after school activities is on the fridge – just let me know when you get home

4 – Keep the remote control where I can reach it without having to leave a comfortable spot on the couch

5 – Mitts off my husband – I was here first, so “those” benefits are all mine

There are some things just not meant to be shared.

Frugal Christmas Gifts – Perfect for Grandparents!

With how scattered we tend to be, it isn’t the easiest thing to get everyone together for a family photo.  But there is probably nothing more your grandparents would like than a photo of all of their grandkids together.

But holy cow!  Have you seen how pricey those photo packages at the mall can be?  And then you have to get everyone dressed up, hair combed, shoes tied, dresses fluffed – it’s a pain in the butt, and the smiles you get aren’t going to be happy ones.

Thank goodness for your digital camera!  Pretty much everyone has one these days, and it doesn’t have to be a fancy one to get a good photo.  And dressing up?  Forget about it!  While I’m sure Grandmom loves to see the kids in their holiday finery, she loves seeing them on a day to day basis even more.  Put them all in jeans and a t-shirt from Grandpop’s favorite sports team.  Le tthem be comfortable and happy, and save the money on the fancy holiday clothes they are only going to wear once.If you want, include Grandmom or Grandpop in the photo.  That way, they can always look at the picture and see how happy their Grandchildren are to be around them, surrounded by the happiness that will make the fond memories of Grandmom they’ll have all of their lives.

You can find reasonably priced frames in virtually any store, from a mall department store to WalMart, so your whole gift can cost less than $25 when it’s finished.  It’s a great way to capture the happy faces the grandparents look forward to seeing, except there’s no clean up after they leave!

Frugal Christmas – What to Get Grandmom?

You know Grandmom.  She’s the one person on your Christmas list you have no idea what to get.  She has everything, if she doesn’t have it, she doesn’t want it, and she’d probably rather see you spend the money on the grandkids than on her.  But you have to get her something – it’s Christmas!

Gone are the days of the Grandmoms who sat home, watching her stories, crocheting slippers.  Grandmoms now come from a generation of working women, and many of them work still.  They are more likely to be out and about, active in more organizations or hobbies, and not the type of sit at home, wait until family comes kind of grandmom.

I love the jar gifts for Grandmoms.  I know, you’re thinking they’re played out, no one uses them, and you don’t want to give an old idea new life.  But guess what?  On the days Grandmom heads out in the morning to play tennis, stops to have a coffee with her friends at Starbucks, puts an hour or two of time in with some volunteer work, and stops at the grocery store to pick stuff up for a weekend sleepover with the grandkids, she doesn’t feel like making a big dinner from scratch.  But as active and healthy as she is, you want to keep in mind that she is a senior citizen, and frozen foods loaded with fats and sodium aren’t good for her.

How awesome would it be for her to come home, dump out the jar of ingredients into a big pot, throw in some cubed meat or diced chicken she picked up at the grocery store, and let it simmer on the stove while she checks her email and catches up on Facebook?  Dinner in an hour, and she’s beaten your score on Bejeweled Blitz and harvested 800 crops on her Farmville farm while it cooked!

And when she has the kids over this weekend, it will be fun for Grandmom and the grandkids to whip up a batch of muffins or cookies, using the jar gift you gave her.  She doesn’t have to scramble to find the ingredients in the pantry, and she doesn’t have to buy a whole bag of brown sugar, which she won’t need again until it is petrified way beyond viability.  She and the kids just dump the ingredients into a mixing bowl, add some eggs or oil, and in a matter of minutes, Grandmom is the superstar of the weekend with fresh, hot, homemade cookies.  We’ll let Grandpop put the dishes in the dishwasher!

Food is always a great gift for an active senior – the easier, the better.  And if you can make it healthy by assembling it yourself, you’ve got an inexpensive winner of a holiday gift!

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-10-24