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To My New Good Friend and Gentle Reader, Carrie!

My new friend Carrie took the time to post a comment on one of my Blog Posts (find the original post https://www.beautygirlsmom.com/2010/06/14/i-took-the-easy-way-out-gastric-bypass-surgery-bitching/ ).  I’m taking the time to answer her!

Dear Carrie:

Unless you’ve had the opportunity to know me and my reasons for having Gastric Bypass Surgery, I wish to politely invite you to shut the hell up (whew, I avoided the “f” word this time – quite a feat considering I have absolutely NO self control, as evidenced by my need for gastric bypass surgery).  I don’t believe I was bitching about my surgery at all – I was bitching about the ignorant woman at the airport who sat in a seat eating doughnuts and drinking soda, all the while talking about her phenomenal weight loss through diet and exercise.  Because I recognize that gastric bypass surgery was my choice, I don’t bitch about the procedure.  I may have complained now and again about the things I experience as a result of this choice, but I never bitch about the choice itself.

And Dear Carrie, if you bothered to get to know me, you’ll know that I have had gym memberships.  I’ve been at least partially responsible for our local gym owner having the ability to send his daughter to private preparatory schools.  While that may make me a martyr of some kind, I don’t proclaim to be a martyr, neither for being such a generous contributor to a child’s education, nor for my gastric bypass surgery.

I’ve had the common sense to put my fork down; and I’ve had the common sense not to put my fork through ignorant people who think that we all have the ability to make a few lifestyle changes and be on the road to skinny.  Jaysus, I’m showing an awful lot of self control for someone who couldn’t stop eating!

You suggest a lifestyle change for people who have weight loss difficulty.  I made one.  It certainly wasn’t a lazy route.  Jenny and I are on a first name basis.  The Fresh Diet failed me until I was fresh out of money to pay for the pricey service.  Weight Watchers watched my ass get bigger every time I went to the meetings, after a week of eating their recommended amount of food.  So you see, Dear Carrie, I’ve exhausted every carefully constructed weight loss method before making the lifestyle change that led to my surgery.  Please note the use of the word “exhausted” – because that’s not something lazy people get very often.

We don’t all have the ability to follow the food pyramid, the USDA recommended dietary intake, and expect to be average sized people.  If you had bothered to get to know me before accusing me of being lazy, you’d know that I suffer from PCOS, a disorder of the endocrine system, making it difficult for me to lose weight.  Not that I’m using that as a crutch to stuff my face full of Twinkies, but it is a fact of my biology that weight loss is not as easy as giving up cookies and cake.  And I would guess that there are other people out there who have turned to Gastric Bypass Surgery who have similar metabolic disorders or thyroid conditions that make losing weight The Dear Carrie Way less than ideal.

And let’s give credit where credit is due.  Lots of us got fat because we ate too damn much.  But whether it’s stress; depression; a coping mechanism – for some of us, food means comfort.  It’s an addiction, like alcohol, tobacco, cocaine.  There is a euphoric high after you eat a slice of cheesecake, and a terrible guilt as a fat person when you do.  To regain the feeling, you eat another; and another; and another, until, ultimately, you’ve eaten the whole damn cake, you feel badly about yourself, and you fear judgement from people like Dear Carrie.  That sets up the whole cycle all over again – you eat to feel good, you feel badly when you do, so you eat more to feel good.

So tell me, Dear Carrie, if my therapist and yours went head to head in a psychological Top Chef of sorts, which one of us ends up with the more normal patient?  Mine at least knows my issues.  Does yours know how angry you are at fat people?  You might want to bring it up at your next session.

Cuba Gooding, Jr. – Saving the Whales or Just Saving a Buck?

I hate this commercial.  I’ll tell you up front – I am not the crunchy granola, save the planet, super conscious about the environment mom.  Honey, if it’s gonna hold my Jersey girl big hair do in during hurricane force winds, I might not look twice at how many chlorofluorocarbons are in it – or consider how many insect species my using 32 cans a week might endanger.

But I hate this commercial.  I hate that they lure you in with the beauty and majesty of a creature as magnificent as a whale, tug at your heartstrings by alluding to the whale’s impending extinction, and then turn on the happy music and tell you that rather than putting your efforts into protecting this lovely beast, what the hell, grab a bunch of your friends and head off on a whale watching cruise!

Those crazy whales, up to all kinds of frolicking and playing  (as you do when your species is threatened), just waiting for you and 99 of your best buds to come cruising by, snapping pictures, commenting on how closely they resemble your Uncle Herb (the whale, by the way, is offended by such rude comments), dropping crap overboard into their homes.

And because you’re using Groupon, you’ll be doing it at half price!

Does Cuba recommend you take your savings and send it into some Save the Whales organization?  He does not.  As a matter of fact, I’m half waiting for them to tell me that you’ll need the other half of the money to bail your ass out of jail after you get carried away having such a grand time drinking and carousing out there on the high seas.

Yeah – don’t mix business with pleasure.  You want to talk to me about saving the whales?  Go ahead.  But don’t pull back just before you make a valuable point.  Cuba, you’re gonna have to whale watch without me 🙁